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People pleasing - this is what happens in your brain!



Yesterday I woke up from a poor sleep and my mood was sad and blue.


We all have those days from time to time when it feels like the world is against us or that the chaos we are experiencing will never end. One negative circumstance seems to lead to another. On a bad day, you may wonder whether anything in your life will ever go right again. But a bad day, like any other day, can be a gift. Having a bad day can show us that it is time to slow down, change course, or lighten up. A bad day can help us glean wisdom we might otherwise have overlooked or discounted. Bad days can certainly cause us to experience uncomfortable feelings we would prefer to avoid, yet a bad day may also give you a potent means to learn about yourself.


In the morning, I tried to reach out to a few friends to shift my mood, but they were in a different time zone and busy with their daily life. Instead, I grabbed my phone and scrolled to find Mel Robbin's podcast, and this was THE BIG GIFT for me! I tap into an episode about people pleasers and realize I am a people pleaser more than healthy normal behavior. We are all people-pleasing but some more than others. It is a natural human instinct to want to please others and to present oneself at one's best. It is, in fact, a very positive quality to consider others' feelings and be emotionally intelligent.


However, I probably already knew but did not know what happens in our brains. When I say no, my inside feels like I crumble up, and I feel the awkward solid feeling of guilt. To get rid of the sentiment, I say yes when I calmly should say no. Our brain works like this, and we will always feel guilt. The only way is to tolerate the pain; with the pain, we stand up for ourselves, learn self-awareness, and show our surroundings our boundaries.


The people we say no to will probably be surprised if we usually say yes, but in time they will understand, and their love for us will not disappear when we explain why we say no.


I had a bad start to the day but ended it with insight and personal growth, and today I love myself a little bit more!


Helen


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